Book Review: Never Enough—A Reflection on Parenting and Education in America

As parents navigating the American education system, Never Enough offers a thought-provoking critique of the relentless pursuit of achievement and social standing that has come to define success in our schools and society. Through anecdotes, data, and cultural comparisons, the book sheds light on the pressures that shape both parents and children, offering a sobering look at how we value education and achievement.

One of the book’s key insights is the concept of “social safeguarding,” which refers to how parents and communities attempt to secure their children’s social and academic futures. This often creates a “scarcity mentality” around social standing, driving decisions like moving to highly-rated school districts or investing heavily in tutoring and enrichment programs—not just to maintain performance but to gain a competitive edge.

The author points out how American society places immense value on elite colleges, which has led to a drastic reduction in acceptance rates over time. For example, Yale’s acceptance rate in the 1980s was around 25%, compared to today’s 4% or less. Practices like “apply to reject” policies at some colleges are designed to inflate exclusivity, adding to the stress and sense of inadequacy among applicants and their families.

Cultural comparisons add another dimension to the book’s critique. In Germany, France, and Spain, universities are often more accessible, and students typically attend institutions close to home. These systems lack the intense gatekeeping and prestige battles that dominate the American landscape. This difference is especially striking when considering how some American parents micromanage their children’s lives to ensure future success, from Tiger parenting to endless extracurriculars and academic camps.

A poignant theme throughout the book is the cultural variation in how parents communicate value and love to their children. For example, in many Asian households, the emphasis on achievement often stems from a history of scarcity and struggle. Parents push their children hard, not out of cruelty but from a desire to set them up for success in ways they never experienced. I have witnessed it myself. Yet this pressure can easily lead to feelings of shame when those high expectations are not met.

The book left me reflecting deeply on my own approach to parenting. How do we show our children that they matter—regardless of their achievements? How do we resist the societal pressures that equate self-worth with grades, test scores, and college admissions? For me, being part of a campus ministry instilled an important lesson: our value does not come from our works. This belief has helped me maintain a healthier perspective, even as society continues to push for measurable success in every aspect of life.

In conclusion, Never Enough challenges parents to reconsider the values we are instilling in our children. It urges us to reflect on the sacrifices we make for success, the messages we send about worth, and the kind of world we are shaping for the next generation. For anyone raising children in today’s high-pressure education system, this book is a must-read—a mirror to our anxieties and a call for a more balanced approach.

Disclaimer

As a young parent, I’m still learning and growing in how I approach parenting and life. My reflections are not meant to suggest that I have all the answers or to place myself above others. Rather, they are an attempt to communicate values that resonate with me and that I hope to strive for in my journey.